Have you cleaned the garage yet like I asked you to? No? What about those bills we need to pay? How many more times do I have to ask you? Are you even listening to me?

Is any relationship immune to the constant tug of war between a nagging spouse and the one who never seems to listen? Perhaps not, but by examining why it happens, couples may be able to get beyond this classic marriage rut, which can lead to lead to a complete communication breakdown and even divorce if it goes too far.

Nagging happens when one person isn't getting what she wants, and therefore feels the need to keep asking. The person being asked gets tired of the repetition, and begins to withhold. That distance prompts more nagging, and thus begins a vicious circle. Although husbands have been known to nag their wives, it's usually the other way around, experts say, because women tend to feel more responsible for managing the household and family. They also tend to be more sensitive to problems in a relationship, and when they ask for something and don't get a response, they may sense something is wrong and begin questioning their husbands repeatedly about it. That can cause men to tune out even more, to avoid feeling like they're being scolded or picked on.

And that's where the danger lies. Once couples start fighting about fighting instead of the root cause, things can quickly devolve, according to a professor of psychology at the University of Denver who has researched relationship communication and offered couples counseling. He says that couples who don't learn to lessen the nagging and other negative communication often fall out of love and split up.

So what can you do to stop the nagging and improve communication? Here are some tips:

• Calm down. Recognize the bad pattern and discuss how you can both change your behavior.

• Consider your spouse's perspective.

• If you're the nagger, realize you're asking for something. It's almost a cliché, but using "I" statements really can help: "I would really like you to wash the dishes" beats "You never clean the kitchen."

• Explain why your request is important to you and set a time frame.

• If you're the nagee, give a clear response to the request.

• Consider alternatives. A handyman won't answer you with a "yes, dear." And he'll get the job done.

Source: Wall Street Journal, "Meet the Marriage Killer," Elizabeth Bernstein, Jan. 25, 2012